It's dark in my room
by The Archangel Gabriel Lives
Summary: Takes place at the end of 12x17, directly after Eileen and Sam have their emotional hug. What happened that night? Personal head canon that I had to get down onto paper (so to speak)


Sam was clutching onto Eileen so tightly. She was breaking right in front of him and he thought he could keep her from falling apart if he just held on to her tight enough. He could protect her.

As she started to calm down, but still buried deep in Sams binding hug, Sam looked to his brother and gave Dean a look that said _Please go. I got this_. Dean understood that he was supposed to leave.

"OK. I'm going to bed. You tell her" he pointed sharply at Eileen, "that I don't think she is a monster. She isn't. Just...you tell her that."

Dean gave his brother one last sympathetic look, then turned to go to his room with a large sigh. Their failure to kill Dagon and retrieve Kelly Kline had tired him out emotionally and physically. Sam heard the clink of a whiskey bottle and a glass as Dean wandered to his room.

Eileen was still wrapped up in Sam, but her tears had slowed and she was only sniffling now. Sam put a hand on the side of her face and pulled back so she could see him, wiping away tears with his thumb.

"Lets get something to drink for you. We have tea or coffee in the kitchen."

Eileen smiled weakly.

"OK." it was barely a whisper.

Sam guided Eileen into the kitchen, grabbing a blanket along the way. He set her down at the small table. Sam took the large blanket and draped it over her shoulders, kneeling in front of her until she looked him in the face.

"You're not a monster." He was rubbing her arms and hands, trying to get a reactionary movement, but Eileen was still. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes again and her head dropped into her chest. Sam quickly drew her into another hug, trying to squeeze these bad thoughts she was having out of her head. After a few seconds, Sam kissed her forehead and set about making something for them to drink.

And of course this is the night that they are completely out of coffee and tea. Sam let out a frustrated grunt at Dean who put the bag of coffee beans back in the cabinet empty again. He threw the bag on the counter and headed over to the "just in case" shelf of the pantry. This is where all the sweets and desserts were stored, you know, just in case.

Sam found a box of hot chocolate packets and some marshmallows. He put some water through the empty coffee machine to heat it up and grabbed two mugs from the drying rack. He would always glace back at Eileen, making sure she was still OK. She never moved.

After the water heated and the hot chocolate was made, a few marshmallows in each cup, Sam sat down at the table next to Eileen and slid a cup over to her. She slowly brought her hands up to grab the cup, but made no move to put it to her mouth.

They sat in silence for a moment. Sam was getting nervous with her being so quiet. He brought a hand up to her shoulder slowly to get her attention.

"Eileen?"

"Sam," but she didn't raise her head. Sam was just meant to listen.

"I appreciate what you are doing, but I meant what I said before. I killed a person. A human being. Not a monster or a demon. That's what I am now. I am what we hunt. Something that hurts people." Tears were on her cheeks again, but her voice was still and even.

"Plus I'm sure those men of letters will come after me now. I could see what that man was saying. His _code._ He wants me to be dead." she brings her eyes up a little to look at Sam,

"Were you talking to him? What were you saying? I couldn't see your face, Sam"

"OK, first, I already told you that you are not a monster, Eileen, and I mean that with every bit of me. As for Mick, I told him that he didn't have to follow his stupid code. That he can and needs to start making his own decisions. The British men of letters are most definitely dicks, but Mick has come around a little. He was as bad as the rest of them, but he went out on a hunt with us, werewolves actually, and he did OK. Not great. His men of letters knowledge really helped out a friend. We were lucky we had him."

As Sam talked he could see Eileen relaxing. She would take a long sip of the hot chocolate, always watching Sams lips, taking in what he was saying. She wasn't crying anymore, but her eyes were still red and puffy.

"I'm relieved he let us go." she said. "Would any other men of letters done that? How many more are there, anyway?"

"Not sure. We've only dealt with a few, but trust me when I say they are not all rainbows and afternoon tea. They were...they were, umm, well, they were psychopaths. They lit my foot on fire and gave me psychotropic drugs. Just so I would give them all the info I had on every American hunter I knew. They really, really suck."

Eileen gave a little laugh at that, and it made Sam smile. It was good to know she was feeling better enough to laugh. They stayed at the table in the kitchen for a while, they made another cup of hot chocolate and found some candy bars on the "just on case" shelf. Even with them putting sugar into their system, it was still getting late.

"I'm getting tired, Sam. Can we get some sleep?"

"Oh, sure thing. We've got plenty of extra rooms and bla-"

She put a hand on Sams arm to cut him off.

"Well, I was thinking, maybe I could...well, I was thinking..." she sighed heavily and looked down into her empty mug.

"C-can I sleep i-in your room...tonight? I don't want to be alone." Eileens cheeks were flushed and prickly. She could barely bring herself to look up for Sams answer.

And Sam was a little red as well. His stomach had dropped all the way to his feet when she asked him this question. There was no denying he was developing feelings for Eileen. She had quickly become a good friend and Sam always enjoyed talking to her. As his feelings grew he did his best to keep them to himself. In this life and with Sams past record with women, Sam thought it was best to be friends even though his heart didn't agree. But this was a delicate situation and Sam thought it would be trouble to sleep in the Same bed, even the Same room. But he also knew Eileen was hurting, badly at that, and he was going to do all he could to make sure she wouldn't cry anymore tonight.

"Alright" Sam said, his voice shaking. He was glad Eileen couldn't hear the nervousness in his voice, although he was sure the look on his face gave him away. " Come with me, then."

Sam guided her to his room (it was way more boring in person, she quipped) and gave her some comfy sweatpants and a t-shirt to wear. Sam excused himself to the bathroom so she could have some privacy to change. When he came back, Eileen was already in his bed, her old clothes and the sweatpants Sam gave her folded neatly on the chair. Sams chest tightened and he let out a sharp tiny gasp. She was in his bed and not wearing pants. Sams stomach was all fluttery as he slowly and awkwardly turned off the light and climbed into the bed next to her. Eileen took the opportunity to curl into Sams bare chest, and wrapping her arms around his waist. And Sam instinctively put his arms around her.

The room was pitch black and silent. Sam could hear the light breathing of the woman in his arms and could tell she wasn't sleeping. He could feel her eyelashes blinking. Her fingers were fidgeting on his back, randomly moving gently up and down. Sam was running his thumb along the back of Eileens neck. After a few minutes of laying quietly, Sam heard her sigh, and then she shifted her body so she and Sam were eye to eye.

And then she kissed him.

Sams eyes went wide with surprise for a second, and then kissed her back without thinking. When his brain caught up with what he was doing, he pulled back from the kiss suddenly.

"No, we shouldn't" he said, but the room was dark and there was no way she could see him to read his lips.

"Sam? Whats wrong?"

Instead of turning on the light by the bed, Sam brought his hand to Eileens and made the sign for no, pressing his first and second fingers to his thumb.

"Please Sam"

He made the sign again, a little harder this time.

"Its OK. I'm not doing this because I feel weak or sad. I really want this."

His hand still in hers, Sam signed again, his hand in a Y shape with the thumb and pinky out, moving both their hands back and forth between the two of them. Then he crossed their pointer fingers together and swiped away, brought his hand back to hers and pressed his two fingers to his thumb again so she could feel it in the palm of her hand.

 _Me too, but no._

Sam could feel Eileen tense up, and then she relaxed again with a heavy sigh. After a bit of quiet she spoke again.

"Sam, are you learning sign language for me?" she asked with a smile on her face. Sam couldn't see it but he could hear it in her voice. This made Sam smile, but it was a sad smile.

He made a fist and knocked it into Eileens chest lightly twice.

 _Yes_

His face was a deep shade of red. Its a good thing its dark, he thought to himself.

"That's so sweet, Sam Not too many people have done that for me. They always fall back to my lip reading. How can you expect me not to kiss you now?"

She brought her face close to Sam, their lips were barely an inch apart. Sams hand was gripping her arm just below the shoulder now, and Eileen could feel Sams breath, ragged and shallow. She waited a few moments for him to sign _no_ again, and when he didn't, Eileen closed the gap between them and brought Sam into a deep kiss again.

This time Sam didn't resist or pull away. He returned the kiss, gave into his feelings, not because of pity or guilt, but because he genuinely wanted this as well.

They went slowly, kissing each other and exploring with their hands and mouths. Sams kisses made their way down Eileens neck as he gently rolled them off their sides and settled in between her legs. He pulled away momentarily to pull the borrowed shirt off her tiny frame and throw it to the floor. His hands came to her stomach, pressing lightly and exploring her torso and her sides. Eileen was moving her body under the gentle pressure, moaning and gasping quietly.

Sam moved his hands up her sides guiding her arms up above her head, her hands settling next to her face. He leaned into another kiss and moved his hand into hers again.

Sam began signing letters into Eileens hand.

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

"No I'm not" she sighed sadly.

Y-E-S U R

He kissed her harder as if it would convince her more.

Sam slid his hand down along Eileens arm back to her stomach. His kisses wandering from her neck to her shoulder to her chest. He pressed his hand lightly into her lower stomach, below her belly button.

P-R-E-F-E-C-T

Eileen laughed softly at Sams misspelling.

"Perfect?" she asked.

A-L-W-A-Y-S

Sam moved again, bringing a hand over her heart and placing kisses and gentle nips on Eileens breasts. He signed each letter on her skin.

L-O-V-E

Sam could hear the tiny gasp that escaped her body, could feel the slight tightening of her muscles. But he let her think about what he had signed and continued to kiss and massage Eileens body.

"Sam" she eventually brought her hands to him and guided him up so she could look at him face to face, at least as well as they could in the pitch black room.

"Me too."

Sam fell back into their kiss harder than before, no longer worried about being too gentle.

As they lay there together when they finished, sweaty and out of breath, they contemplated the future. What would this become? Where was the safest place for them to be while the whole British men of letters organization were dealt with?

They talked well into the night and the morning, and it was eventually decided that Eileen would go back to Ireland for a while.

Sam knew that Ketch or any men of letters could get into the bunker with their keys, and that Eileen would be in constant danger until they could get together with Mick and sort this whole thing out, one way or another, with either words or bullets.

Sam wasn't happy about it, and frankly neither was Eileen, but they both knew it was the best option for now.

"I'll write." Eileen said as they both walked towards the door of the bunker. "Its probably a good idea not to trust my phones for a while."

"Yeah that's probably a good idea." Sam said with an awkward smile. "I'll...I mean...I'm going to miss you."

"Me too, Sam"

They stood there for a while in silence, holding each other in an embrace, neither wanting to let go. But they had to, and when they did Eileen was sniffling and trying to hide her tears. She looked up at Sam and they fell from her eyes freely.

"Goodbye Sam"


End file.
